The Fire

Table of Contents

On 8 June 2024, our home was destroyed in a house fire.

This page answers the top questions we have received since the fire. 

We created this page to tell our story, and provide a means to update family and friends. 

The coming weeks will be filled with insurance and contractor calls. 

Please consider checking this page first for updates.

We escaped unharmed.

At around 11:26pm, while Sharline was working on her laptop in the living room, the smoke alarm went off. Michael quickly woke up, we went to our daughter's room, and we all left the home. We saw the fire in the back of the house, and went to the neighbors to call 911. Michael saved our family dog, Mambo. It was after 6am when the fire and hot spots were completely extinguished.

Photos of the destruction

Our Current Status as of 10/7: Steady & Rebuilding

This is an arduous process. This will be a year of transitions. 

Things will fluctuate. 

This is private process.

 So the information on this page is the most information we will offer. 

We ask for privacy and respect about this very difficult part of our lives.***

The Transition Timeline 

8 June 2024: Home Fire

9 June 2024: Moved into a hotel

18 June 2024: Moved into rental home

~23 Aug 2024: Home Demolition Complete

~Jan/Feb 2025: Start Home Rebuild

~Nov 2025: Move into new home

This is a super tentative timeline with made up dates.

Each step involves a series of steps, decisions, plans, and approvals with several interested parties.

This is all the information that will provided at this time.

OUR IMMEDIATE NEXT STEPS 

Stay Steady and Rock out this next Year

We have other goals in life we are working on. Feel free to ask us about those! 

Rebuild our Home

Our current timeline is 12 months. This is arduous. We do not plan to provide many updates.

Root Cause: Undetermined.

The root cause of the fire is currently undetermined. 

This is a complicated topic and process, and that is all the information that will we will provide at this time.

Unfortunately, fires happen every day for a variety of reasons. Review the tips below for lessons on how we have been able to survive the initial week of hell.

Learning Lessons for All

A few more quick FAQs

Status Updates

This section will cover status updates. For those interested in following our journey, please check here periodically. Updates here help minimize the re-telling of our story/updates, while freeing us to focus on what truly matters most: our family.

Update: 6/15/2024

We are taking a breather today. Yesterday, Michael found my grandmother's earrings. I love these. I wore them when I defended my dissertation proposal. He went back to the house while I was on the phone with my mom, and hurried to the bathroom inside the hotel to wash them. When I got off the phone and saw them, I ugly cried.

This weekend, we want to take a breather from all the questions about the fire. We want to relax, go to the hotel pool, workout, and just do what we normally do on weekends. My daughter and I will watch the tv series we love (The Originals) while I unbraid and rebraid her hair. Michael will work on his Spanish via Duolingo.

We will be fine. Right now, we just want to breathe.

Update 6/16/2024

We often get asked how our daughter is doing. 

PAPA & MAMA BEAR MODES ARE FULLY ACTIVATED.

Part of making this page is to avoid her constantly overhearing conversations about this situation. Our #1 priority is providing normalcy for our daughter. This could result in us changing the subject when asked about status/situation.

Update 6/22/2024

Tragedies can bring out both the best and worst in people. There are those who seek to assist because of altruism. There are others who seek, whether consciously or not, recognition for their contributions.  In an attempt to offer us "help," their words include an uncomfortable amount of "I" messages, and an agonizing focus unrelated to our needs and boundaries. These are difficult situations to navigate.

We have been through a trauma. Almost all of our friends and family have been extremely respectful about bringing up the fire, asking about the cause, asking for updates, etc. They understand we are under alot of emotional and mental stress. They respect our boundaries. However, when someone does not respect our boundaries, this, too, is a difficult situation to navigate.

My family and I are doing the best we can. 

We make no apologies for our reactions to disrespecting our boundaries

We make no apologies for attempts to pour in emotional baggage into our overflowing cups. 

Right now, we are pouring out. 

Cheers to all who have offered their cups.

For information on this metaphor, check out this article on Ring Theory. 

A few examples of people respecting our boundaries this week:

They know we don't need anything; but they sure as hell won't let us go without if they can help it. No one wants their friends to suffer. They check in, just as we would do for them. For instance, earlier this week, we went to a school event for our daughter. A few parents very quietly and discreetly asked, "how are you guys doing?" I quietly replied "we're okay." Then we talked about other subjects. 

They all got it. 

They checked in, without probing. 

They provided, without overwhelming.

They let us know they care and are here for us in the way we need them. 

We appreciate everyone who has taken the time to text, email, send items, offer a kind word, hug, and all the things, while still respecting our boundaries. There is alot of healing that needs to happen, and the wounds and scars will be visible for quite some time. We are committed to taking the time we need to mend ourselves, while carrying on. We look forward to when we can be a fully functional friends to all those around us. But we can honestly say: we just don't have it in us at the moment. We love you all, but it will take some time for us to get there again. And it may be not be when we expect it.

This is not a linear journey. 


Update 6/30/2024 How are we doing? We're roller coastering. That's how.

We have alot of crap going on. That's just the reality of it. We're working, going to school, and rebuilding our lives through multiple avenues. This is the new normal for at least the next 12 months. We're just taking it one half day at a time.

Issue #1: Rental Home Stuff

Status: Unresolved RESOLVED as of 3 July

We have a home, furniture, food, toiletries, laptops... we even have streaming services. By all accounts, we are highly blessed, fortunate, and privileged.

At the same time, we've had some recent issues. 

Of course we are working with the property management company and our own housing company to get this resolved, exploring all options. 

Stay tuned.

Issue #2: Inventory & Replacement

Status: Unresolved

Now begins the great inventory of our items. This means creating a list of all of our possessions to provide to the insurance company. At this point, this is a total loss, so we have to inventory absolutely everything. It's an arduous task, and luckily the property adjuster has created an initial list for us to expand upon.

There are many mixed options about whether not to use a public adjuster. We've done our research, evaluated the pros and cons, and decided, at this time, to not use one. This is the decision that is best for us and our needs.

We are also in the beginning stages of replacing our items. That is bit a nuanced, but we have a knowledgeable "informant" 😜 who is holding our hands through the process.

Issue #3: Mental Health

Status: In forever progress

Mental health is a top priority for us. Both of us have degrees in psychology, so we have a solid understanding of its importance.

Do issues #1 and #2 cause a certain amount of triggering / re-traumatization ? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. Of course.

We are super fortunate to have amazing friends who continue to invite us out to events. And we go! And we have fun!

Everthything now is about balance and honesty. We tell each other when we're not doing well, when we need breaks, and we give one another space. We love on each other the way we need. And we recognize that our feelings our valid.

I wish we weren't in this position. But I know we're doing the best we can with what we have. And that's okay.

Issue #4: Demo and Rebuild

Status: In Progress COMPLETE as of ~23 Aug

Nothing is definitive. At this point, we will most likely demolish our home (foundation included undecided). We will interview demo companies, building companies, and companies that do both. Yes, we will pick out a floor plan - and yes, we can customize. Will we go with the original floor plan? Stay tuned.

This may sound exciting, but it's also daunting. Yes, we'll have a brand new home, but that excitement may not kick in until a future date.

As a trained project manager, I see this as a construction project akin to an IT project. Those skills will come in handy for keeping us focused, asking great questions, and ensuring all our requirements are met.

This is the one issue I see as a challenge than a journey...because I kind of have a thing for challenges 😉.


Update 7/8/2024 Fire Anniversary 

From the bottom of our hearts, we truly appreciate and are thankful for the amazing outpouring of love and support we have received from our family and friends throughout this ordeal.  Everyone who has contributed in any way - words, prayers, texts, calls, donations, gestures, hugs, love - has had an impact on us. Your acts of kindness will forever be with us.

Below is an ode to a sampling of these amazing acts.

 💝 You saw us. You let us be vulnerable. You let us be comfortable in the most uncomfortable of situations. You took care of us. 💝

 ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹We thank you. We love you. We wish you many, many blessings. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥

Update 7/14 The Day to Day 

Q from almost everyone: So how are you guys doing?

What they really mean: So how are you guys coping since your house caught on fire and you lost everything? Do you need anything? How can I help?

Answer to the first question:  We're taking it day by day. We are a good amount back into our routines, but with modifications.

Our day starts with my phone alarm going off. We shower, brush, dress, then come downstairs and make coffee. Then either I or Michael walk the dog. Michael leaves for work, and about an hour later, I leave to take Bella to camp. Then I come home, I work, pick Bella up from camp, and I return to work. Bella does her after school routine, then we get ready for either evening sports practice or making dinner.

Sounds pretty normal, right? That's because it is. We're a regular family, and life has to continue on. We still do doctor's appointments, watch movies together, visit friends, pay bills, and grumble through household chores.

But I did say sounds normal. 

It is, in fact, not entirely normal.

Every morning, I wake up in a room in a house we rent, instead of own. I sigh.  As of a few days ago, we own the bed, but are still renting the sheets and pillows. I shower in a bathroom that doesn't have tub; a tub is one our "musts" for a home, but we were desperate and so here we are. I sigh.

After my shower, I decide between the clothes I bought in a hurry when I had none, donated clothing, and new dresses I bought because it's so damn hot. The dresses, although beautiful, frustrate me because I had just bought a new set of dresses in late May. I sigh.

 When I come downstairs (rather then walk across the first floor), I make coffee in coffee maker rather than the fancy espresso maker plus bean grinder I once splurged on; I miss the jolt of espresso. I sigh. 

When I walk Mambo, it's in the woods nearby, instead of down the street where I see all the neighbors who walk in the morning. There are several walking crews every morning, and they inspire me to stay active. I know Mambo can't tell me, but I bet he misses getting treats from our neighbor on those walks. It was also a route I had mapped out to be exactly 1 mile, so I could make sure I was getting in a decent amount of steps each walk. I sigh for Mambo. I sigh for my exercise routine.

All of this is in the first hour of the day. 

This is what I call the "constant re-injury". Every day, several times a day, we are reminded that we are living a different life than what we had just over a month ago. Our lifetime of tangible mementos from us as children, young adults, young parents, and now has been ripped away. Of course, we'll always have our memories (including our photos on the cloud), and now we are making new ones. But every moment, as we try to move on, we are reminded of the past. And it hurts. And it's frequent. How frequent? Here are A few other notable, daily moments of reinjury:

These are, undoubtedly, first world problems. There is definitely so much more to grateful for, and we absolutely appreciate all that we have. This is why we only sigh. We don't lament for too long because although we worked hard for the things we had and figured out, we have or will have them (or better) again, and we will figure it all out again. We can do anything and everything again. Some things will be the same, and some will be different. Some will disappear, and some new things may emerge. And that's all okay.

I can change the alarm on my phone at any time. 

I can find a new 1 mile route. 

Grocery stores really aren't that hard to figure out. 


The cognitive work will happen...when it's ready to. 


For now, we're going to live and progress (and maybe regress sometimes) day by day.


Update 7/29/2024 We are more than the fire, but we like our privacy, too

We're pretty sick of talking about the fire and answering questions about it. Although this site has mitigated the questions, people still feel a need to ask us about things we've answered here. We may be getting worse at hiding our annoyance. It's not personal to you. It's personal to us. 

Sometimes, I actually kind of appreciate the interesting questions, such as "what has been the most surprising aspect of this situation?" 

(Answer: Forgetting all the little things, like stopping the bug spray service).

We are moving about our regular lives again. Work, camp, school, after-camp routines, playing with our dog, working out, visiting with friends. There are definitely some differences. For example, we are not planning any vacations anytime soon. 

We are also a bit more selective about with whom we interact and when. 

We are protective of our peace. 

We are also not totally interested in sharing a whole lot (about the fire process, at least). We've always had an aspect of privacy to us, and that still holds true. We don't want to be people's personal case study on fire situations. We are not here to teach you. We are who we have always been, just more experienced in trauma.

We miss conversations about politics (and there's so much going on!), music, psychology, world news, linguistics, and all those other topics for which those liberal arts schools make us take classes. This is how we learn about the world, and evolve our own ways of thinking, behaving, and interacting with the world. 

We may decline more often than usual, but we still want to be invited to events and occasions, whether at home or in the world.

We still want to be family and friends to all who bring us joy and comfort.

Because we are so much more than the fire.

Update 9/8/2024 Part I: Moving Forward

Updates are slower and that's by design. Life goes on. There's been a slowing down of the chaos feeling, but also a need to catch up since losing time. This summer was filled with a range of emotions, emergency tasks, urgent tasks, and a huge emphasis on returning to normal. Consequently, many things had to be pushed to the side. Things whose deadlines or schedules did not change. Every day is a lesson in balancing, re-balancing, prioritizing, decision-making, and sacrificing. Every day, there are consequences, both positive and negative. We purposely live in an eternal state of acceptance because we must push forward. There is no other option. That is life by design.

Some changes

There have been some changes, expected and not. 

Friendships/relationships: We are different now. How we interact, what we are interested in, what and how we move about our daily lives. Consequently, this has affected our interactions. Some friends we lean on more; some not as much. We don't always have emotional space or actual time to accommodate hanging out or providing updates. We are comfortable saying no and protecting our peace. We value our privacy and sanity. And we just don't always feel like it. It's not you; it's us. 

The Kid: We've received plenty of offers for people to watch / babysit / engage with our daughter. However, we've declined the majority of them. The fire could have taken her away from us. The fire could have separated us all from this world. We highly value our time with our daughter (and as a family), and will engage with her anytime we can. From school pick ups to sports practice, we do not want to miss a moment if we can help it.

Timeline: Boy, are we sick of talking about this. There is a timeline at the top of the page. This is estimated to be a 1 year project.  Will it change? Maybe. Will I keep providing updates about it? Not really. This is an excruciatingly exhausting and detailed process. No one is entitled to those details except those involved because, like any great plan, things may change. There's no need to give away info that may change. So the timeline is the timeline. And that is that...

...as long as we're moving forward.

Update 9/8/2024 Part II: Weird Stuff People Say

People say weird stuff to us. We know they don't know it's weird. But it's weird. Let me explain.

"You get to build a new house!" No. We HAVE to build a new house. We never wanted to do this. Not now. This is terrible timing. Sharline is in school. Michael just started a new job. We have other things going on. Our already stretched schedules are being even more challenged. Besides, our house was great as it was. Sure, there are things we would have changed, but it was working for us. And many times, we are homesick for our home before the fire.

"Congrats on getting your house demo'd!" No. It's efficient that things are moving along timely, but losing our home again hurt. Alot. Because this time it was permanent. Most all of our lifelong belongings went with it. Most of our kid's childhood items are gone. And they're not coming back.

"You get to do whatever you want!" No. There are mortgage and insurance requirements for the rebuild. This is not a free-for-fall situation by any means.

"Are you changing your floor plan?" No major decisions have been made about that. See above.

"Have you thought about..." Send me an email please. Trauma survivors have notoriously terrible memories. Maybe we have thought about it; maybe we haven't. Regardless, we probably won't remember this conversation, either. 

If you know you've said something on this list, please don't feel a need to apologize. That just brings back up the weirdness. Instead, remember to ask us about other things people talk about: work, the Paralympics, the importance of diversity and inclusion, why teachers should be paid more, how we can all support our Veterans, and what you plan to do for the holidays. We are still regular people navigating this crazy world. 

So, please, for the love of goodness, stop being weird.

Update 10/7/2024 "How's the House Rebuild Going?" 

Guess what question we've been asked 20+ times in the last couple of weeks? 

"How's the house rebuild going?"

There is only 1 answer: it's going.

This question has been annoying, but we are finally understanding why people ask this. People think this is interesting. People think it's great or kind of cool to be able to build a house to our specs.

That is not our perspective.

That will NEVER be our perspective.

We are not interested in picking out tiles, countertops, paint colors, crown molding, and the number of inches for our base boards.  

Here is why:

However, we have to do it. 

So we will. 

We just won't talk about it much. 

The end.


10/7/2024 Part II: The Happy Stuff, and other stuff

Lots of happy things are going on. There's some ordinary stuff as well. And there's some crappy stuff, too (not house related). But here are some goodies:

Update 11/24/2024

Today's update was inspired by the 10+ people who asked us "how's the house coming along?" within the first 5 minutes of us arriving at a neighborhood party.

This is dedicated to the people who asked my husband the same question after I had already answered them. Jokes on them: he gave the same response!


As far as the house goes:

Things are moving, as they always have been. There is nothing solid to share. That is all, really.

We've realized that the people who ask or wonder about the house the most are the people who don't know us very well. 

They don't know our drive, education, love of God, positive outlook, etc. etc. 

They don't know that these are some of the reasons why we have been so resilient after these crazy series of events.

 So for all you strangers, just know this:

The house will get done when it gets done. 

We have the determination, the resources, and the support system to get through this project. Aaaaaaaannd: 

This is NOT in the top 5 of the most important things happening in our lives right now.

So the next time you see us, 🥳 ask us about the wonderful things going on in our lives. 🥳

Hint: check out the previous post for clues!


🎄🧑‍🎄🎁🦃 Happy Holidays!! 🎄🧑‍🎄🎁🦃

MOVING ONWARDS 🚢🚢

We will Rebuild. We will Survive. We will Remember. We will Make New Memories.

This will hurt for quite some time. But life goes on. And so shall we.

Our family values are solid. And so are we.

Faith

Through Him, all things are possible

Strength

Resilience during adversity

Love

Keeping us together

Support from Small Businesses

The following small businesses have been generous with their time and resources to help us navigate through this disaster. 

We thank them for your quick and impactful support, and encourage everyone to support small businesses.

**All companies have approved for us to post their images and taglines.**

Custom coins, shirts, awards, and more

Power through Lifting

Commissions for Paintings and Wire-Wapped Jewelry 

Thank you for reading our story.

❤️ Your prayers, good vibes, and words of encouragement are the best way to support us. ❤️



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We are no longer in need of clothing donations. Thank you to everyone who has helped us!